How to Live Life to the Fullest

The meaning of your life is something you create day after day with your own actions and thoughts. Always ask what you can learn, and how you can move forward, and stop yourself from blaming other people if things aren't the way you would like them to be. What living life to the “fullest” looks like is up to you. Here are some steps to get you started.

Part One of Three:
Finding Yourself

1

Recognize that life is a journey, not a destination. This saying is a cliché, but it’s also true: life is as much about how you get where you’re going as where you go. Living your life to the fullest is a process that will take you your whole life to develop. Don’t get frustrated if it takes you a while to learn some things, or if you experience setbacks. This is a natural part of life.
2
Be honest with yourself and others. Dishonesty saps away energy and happiness. When we aren’t honest with ourselves, we hold ourselves back from learning and growth. When we aren’t honest with others, we damage trust and intimacy.^[1]
- We may be dishonest for a variety of reasons. Research has shown that sometimes we lie because we’re jealous and want to hurt others. Sometimes, we lie because we’re afraid we will be hurt if we reveal the truth, or we’re afraid of a confrontation.^[2] It can be hard to be honest, especially with yourself, but doing so will help you live a fuller, richer life.
3
Learn to accept yourself. All too often, we spend a lot of time looking at what we don’t like about ourselves, what we’d like to change, what we think should be different. Spending all your time focused on what you don’t like or what happened in your past means that you aren’t able to focus on your future. Make a conscious decision to learn to love yourself, just as you are.^[3]
- Make a list of your strengths. What are you good at? These can be lofty achievements, such as inventing a new technology, or “everyday” skills, such as being friendly to others. Paying attention to what your strengths are can help you continue to develop them without focusing on yourself as a “failure.”
4
Determine your values. Your core values are the beliefs that shape who you are and how you live your life. They may be spiritual beliefs or simply deeply-held beliefs that are important to you.^[4] Reflecting on your values will help you set goals for yourself that are “value-congruent,” meaning in line with your values.^[5] You are more likely to feel fulfilled and happy when you’re living in accordance with your values.
- Stand up for what you believe in and don’t let others push you around. It's possible to do this and still be open to other people's ideas, as they may surprise you.
5
Challenge negative self-talk. Sometimes, society confounds self-criticism with helping yourself improve. However, much research shows that the more hostile and critical you are of yourself, the more likely you are to be the same way toward others. Negative self-talk and self-criticism don’t help you become a better person or achieve your goals.^[6] Try self-kindness and self-compassion instead.
- For example, if you find yourself consistently telling yourself what is wrong with you or what you don’t like about yourself, be purposeful and challenge those thoughts with positive ones. Replace thoughts like “I’m such a loser” with “That situation didn’t go exactly the way I’d planned. I’ll go back to the drawing board and think of another way to approach it.”
- Try to think logically about your self-criticisms. Criticizing ourselves can be all too easy. The next time you notice yourself being harsh, try to find a rational response to that criticism. For example, if you found yourself thinking “I’m so dumb, I don’t know anything in this class and everyone’s smarter than I am,” examine that thought logically. Is everyone really smarter than you, or are some individuals just more prepared for the material than others? Is your performance in the class related to your intellect (not likely) or is it because you may not have the preparation you needed to excel? Are you studying effectively? Would you benefit from a tutor? Breaking things down in this logical manner can help you figure out steps to take to help yourself improve without writing yourself off.
6
Embrace flexibility. One of the reasons we become frustrated is that we expect things to stay the same. However, life is full of change. Open yourself to the processes of change and growth, and learn to adapt to the new situations and challenges that happen.^[7]
- Fostering positive emotions, such as happiness and optimism, will help you develop flexibility.^[8]
- Look for patterns in how you respond to events and situations. Determine what’s helpful and what isn’t. This can help you learn to modify the responses that aren’t helpful and learn to be more adaptive. Not only will you feel better yourself, but you will also be able to better interact with others.^[9]
- Learn to look at “negative” events as learning experiences instead. Looking at setbacks or situations that appear as negative as “failures” can lead you to obsess over them, rather than learn and grow from them. Rather than seeing a challenge or roadblock as a negative, see it as a positive space for learning and improvement.
- For example, famous entrepreneur Steve Jobs said that “getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”^[10] J.K. Rowling, the author of the phenomenally successful Harry Potter series, has said that she sees failure as incredibly beneficial, something to be valued rather than feared.^[11]
7
Care for your body. Part of living life to the fullest is taking care of your body. You only get one; make sure it’s able to carry you through your life of adventure and learning.
- Eat a healthy diet. Avoid foods that are high in sugar and empty calories. Eat plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables, complex carbohydrates, and lean proteins. Don’t deprive yourself, though; it’s perfectly healthy to have a slice of cake or a glass of wine from time to time.^[12]
- Stay hydrated. Men should drink about 13 cups (3 liters) of fluids per day. Women should drink about 9 cups (2.2 liters) of fluids per day.^[13]
- Get exercise. Studies have shown that regular exercise helps you feel healthier, happier, and more positive. Aim for about 150 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise every week.^[14]
8
Learn mindfulness. Learning mindfulness can help you live your life to the fullest by keeping your focus on what is happening in the present moment. Mindfulness is rooted in Buddhist traditions and avoids judgment of your experiences; instead, it encourages you to accept them just as they are.^[15]^[16]
- You can’t live your life to the fullest if you’re constantly absorbed by what happened in the past or what might happen in the future. Learning to be mindful of what is going on right now will help you worry less about what has already happened or what may happen.
- There are many ways to learn mindfulness, including mindfulness meditation and spiritual study.^[17] Exercises such as yoga and Tai Chi incorporate mindfulness into their practice.
- Some of the many benefits of mindfulness include: improved physical and mental health, lower stress, better interactions with others, and a greater sense of overall well-being.^[18]
9
Stop “shoulding” yourself. This is a term coined by the psychologist Clayton Barbeau. It refers to humans’ tendency to tell ourselves that we “have to” do something, even if it doesn’t fit with our goals or values.^[19] “Should” statements can cause a lot of dissatisfaction and grief. Eliminating them from your life can help you live more fully.^[20]
- For example, consider this “should” statement: “I should lose more weight.” Why do you feel that way? Is it because you have a fitness goal that you want to achieve for yourself? Because you’ve consulted with your doctor and agreed that you need to get healthier? Or is it because someone has told you “should” look a certain way? The same goal can be healthy and helpful or harmful, all depending on why you feel like you need to achieve it.
- Deciding not to “should” yourself doesn’t mean you don’t set goals. Instead, it means that you set goals for yourself based on what is meaningful to you, not what others want for you or demand of you.