How to live life to the fullest part3

Part Three of Three: how to live life to the fullest part 3
Interacting With Others

1
Think about who surrounds you. Believe it or not, humans can “catch” emotions as easily as we catch colds.^[39] If you spend a lot of time with people who are happy and positive, you’re more likely to feel that way yourself. If you spend a lot of time with people who are focused on negativity, that will rub off on you as well. Surround yourself with people who care for you, respect you and others, and enrich your life.
- Who do you spend your time with? How do they make you feel about yourself? Do you feel respected and validated by the people in your life?^[40]
- This isn’t to suggest that your friends and loved ones shouldn’t offer constructive critique. In fact, sometimes we need a friend to point out when we’ve done something thoughtless or hurtful. However, you should always feel like your loved ones approach you with kindness and respect, and you should treat them the same way.
2
Discuss your needs with others. Learning to communicate assertively (but not aggressively) can help you feel stronger, more confident, and more fulfilled. Assertive communication acknowledges that both you and others have needs, and works to give everyone a way to be heard.^[41]
- Be open and honest but don’t use judging or blaming language. If someone has hurt you, it’s healthy to share your feelings with him or her. However, don’t use language that puts blame on the other person, such as “You were so unkind to me” or “You don’t even care about my needs.”
- Use “I”-statements. Using statements that focus on what you are feeling and experiencing keep you from sounding blaming or judging. For example, “I felt hurt when you forgot to pick me up from work. I felt like my needs were not important to you.”
- Give constructive criticism and accept it from others. Don’t simply tell others to do or not to do something. Explain why you are asking.
- Invite others to share their needs and ideas with you. Use cooperative language, such as “What would you like to do?” or “What do you think?”
- Instead of automatically feeling a need to assert your own point of view, try saying something like “Tell me more” when you hear something that at first seems like something you’d normally disagree with. Try to see from his/her point of view.
3
Love everyone. Be selfless in your attitude towards others. One of the biggest things that holds us back in our lives is our focus on the idea that we “deserve” certain things. This feeling can result in feelings of dissatisfaction and anger.^[42] Give love without expecting it to be returned. Love others even when it’s hard.
- This doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat for those who don’t treat you right. You can love and accept someone and still recognize that they aren’t good for you.
- Believe it or not, love is helpful even in the workplace. Workplaces that foster a culture that includes compassion, caring, and expressions of affection are more productive and have more satisfied workers.^[43]
4
Forgive yourself and others. Forgiveness is good for your body and your soul. Forgiving can be incredibly difficult, but it also reduces stress, decreases your blood pressure, and lowers your heart rate. Forgiveness can help you feel fulfilled and happy even if the other person never acknowledges the wrongdoing.^[44]
- Think about whatever it is you want to forgive. Notice how those thoughts make you feel. Accept those feelings; judging them or trying to repress them will only make it worse.^[45]
- Transform that painful experience into a learning experience. What could you have done differently? What could the other person have done differently? What can you learn from this experience that can help you become a better person now?
- Remember that you can only control your actions, not others’. One of the reasons forgiveness is so hard is because it’s entirely dependent on you. The other person may never acknowledge the wrongdoing. S/he may never face consequences or learn from the experience. However, holding on to your anger about the situation ultimately only hurts you. Learning to forgive, regardless of whether the other person takes any action or experiences any result, will help you heal.
- Forgiving yourself is as important as forgiving others. When we dwell on things about our past lives or behavior that we regret, we can end up falling into an unproductive cycle of self-blame, rather than using those experiences as tools to help us focus on becoming better people in the present.^[46] Use the techniques in this article, such as challenging negative self-talk and practicing mindfulness, to help you forgive yourself and show yourself the same compassion you show others.
- While forgiving remember we need to forget certain situations in life which brought us negative emotions.
5
Give back. Be selfless in service to others. Begin with your neighbor. Do charitable service outside of your immediate community as well. Giving back will not only make you better as a person, but it will also help others.
- Helping others not only benefits them, but it also has physical health benefits for you. Being charitable may cause what’s known as a “helper’s high,” an endorphin rush that we experience when we do something good for others.^[47]
- You don’t have to start a soup kitchen or found a non-profit to help others. Even small acts of everyday kindness can have a huge effect. Research has found that the “pay it forward” effect really does exist: your kindness can inspire others to show generosity and kindness in turn, which then inspires more and more people to do the same.^[48]
6
Accept everyone. Be kind and courteous. Enjoy the company of others. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
- It may feel uncomfortable at first to talk with someone whom you see as “different” than you. Remember that you can learn something from every person you encounter. And the more diversity you embrace in your daily life, the more you’ll realize that we’re all human.